If The Shoe Fitz

Funny Quotes by Funny Bastards

Funny TSA Agent Quotes | Great Quotes on TSA Agent

Me: “Can you see my wiener in that thing?” TSA Agent: “No sir.” Me: “Sucks to be you.”

via Twitter / @Kered

Funny Evolution Quotes | Great Quotes on Evolution

I give evolution two opposable thumbs up!

via Twitter / @Jason Sweeney

Funny Starbucks Quotes | Great Quotes on Starbucks

I am boycotting Starbucks until they get Hanukkah themed cups

via Twitter / @Katie Levine

Funny Alcohol Quotes | Great Quotes on Alcohol

If it wasn’t for alcohol, ugly people wouldn’t get laid.

via Twitter / @Steve

Funny TSA Quotes | Great Quotes on TSA

Being felt up by a TSA employee is the closest most Americans will ever come to joining the Mile High Club.

via Twitter / @John Fugelsang

Funny Patrick Swayze Quotes | Great Quotes on Patrick Swayze

You can really tell when you see a guy who hasn’t fully come to terms with Patrick Swayze’s death.

via Twitter / @MJ:

Funny General Motors Quotes | Great Quotes on General Motors

General Motors’ new stock offering opened today for $35 a share, under the ticker symbol YOUALREADYOWNUS.

via Twitter / @Michael Pierce

Funny Black Friday Quotes | Great Quotes on Black Friday

Even Black Friday can’t beat the deals we find in the checked baggage screening area

via Twitter / @Agent Smith

Funny Ryan Reynolds Quotes | Great Quotes About Ryan Reynolds

In other news, Ryan Reynolds is the sexiest man alive. No wonder he landed Scarlett Johansen.

via Twitter / @Andrew Mickelson

Funny Tony Parker Quotes | Great Quotes About Tony Parker

So Tony Parker was cheating on Eva Longoria with his team mate, Brent Barry’s wife? So does Barry get the assist on the divorce?

via Twitter / @Stephen