If The Shoe Fitz

Funny Quotes by Funny Bastards


Another Funny Wedding Quote

“Is there any one who objects to marriage of these two people?” Probably, but we had the good sense to not invite them.

via heeckan

Funny Cell Phone Quote

My job recently banned cell phone use while at work. I hope they’re ok with me taking 35 bathroom breaks a day.

via link

Funny Quitting Job Quote

Quitting a job is like breaking-up with a girlfriend, except that I have to spend two weeks explaining why, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

via link.

Funny Virginity Quote

I saw my first car at a used car lot. I didn’t mention my virginity was in it because I knew the salesman would try to screw me.

via Twitter / @Laura

Funny Wedding Quote

I think a Mexican/Jew wedding would make for a really good party.

via Twitter / @Heather Kay

Funny Exercise Quote

When I’m bored, I ponder the numerous unreported injuries related to lesbians attempting to use a shake weight.

via Twitter / @Laura

Funny Sarah Palin Quote

Poor Sarah Palin had to suffer the horrors of having a neighbor. Everyone knows “neighbor” is Mexican for “Why do you hate America?”

via Twitter / @Laura

Funny Husband Quote

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

– Helen Rowland

Another Funny Marriage Quote

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.

~ Mae West

Funny Handicapped Quote

I hate when you think of something funny and laugh out loud to yourself, and then notice a handicapped guy in front of you.

via Twitter / @Henry Phillips